How I Beat Burnout as a Breastfeeding Mother

In modern society it is completely normal to feel completely overwhelmed by the constant demands of motherhood. Add breastfeeding into the mix, and it can sometimes seem impossible to ever feel truly rested and relaxed. Remember, none of us benefit when we push ourselves to the breaking point. I learned this the hard way after my “all-or-nothing” work ethic finally caught up with me—I collapsed from exhaustion while trying to tackle even a simple weekly grocery trip. I needed help. So might you.

If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, it might be time to rethink how you’re being cared for and how you are caring for yourself:

• Feeling chronically exhausted or “touched out”

• Experiencing irritability or snapping at others

• Moments of intense frustration or helplessness

• Feelings of resentment towards your partner

• Negative feelings or thoughts around nursing (sometimes called DMER)

• A sudden decrease in your milk supply

• A slower or absent let-down reflex

All of the above may be signs that your body and your mind are not getting the down time that they need to maintain your current levels of energy and care for others. We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” but how often is our own bone dry? How often do we shake those cups upside down just to make sure that every last drop of sustenance is well and truly gone? If you are not in the habit of prioritizing your needs as a breastfeeding mother, let’s work together to change that. I learned the lessons below that hard way and I know that if you are in need, they will help you to look after yourself too (without necessarily stopping nursing).

1) Make Time for “Me-Time” Every Day

Even if a spa day or an hour at the gym isn’t feasible right now, carving out 20–30 minutes daily that’s just for you can make a world of difference. Whether you find this time in the early morning, during your little one’s nap, or at night as soon as they’re asleep, prioritize moments that remind you, you’re more than a mom. I say this not to diminish the role of motherhood, but to remind you that you still exist, too.

2) Make It Count

I know that the moment my son falls asleep at night, I am likely to fall into a vortex of doom scrolling unless I make a conscious choice not to do so. Whilst the dopamine hit that I get from watching 15 - second reels feels good at the time, my down-time is so precious as a mama, that I owe it to myself to make it count. My favourite restorative practice? Falling asleep to a 15 to 30 minute meditation. Audiobooks, listening to music, dance, yoga and a relaxing bedtime routine are other simple but powerful ways to help you feel human again, too.

3) What About Housework?

It is all well and good for me to recommend that you use any spare time relaxing, but if you do that, when will any housework get done? My recommendation is that you firstly accept that keeping your home tidy all of the time is almost impossible with young children. Instead, focus on keeping it clean enough - in a way that works for your family. Perhaps you will have a permanent pile of laundry that never gets folded, but maybe that suits you just fine as long as you have clean dishes. Wherever possible, do housework with your little one(s), wearing them if you can or getting them to help out in their own small way. My top tip for washing dishes with a toddler is to set up a mini washing station for my son on the kitchen floor. All it takes is a piece of Tupperware and a new sponge and he can ‘wash’ alongside me.

4) Ask for Help

When was the last time that you asked for help? I struggle with this, to this day. Nonetheless, we were never meant to mother alone and trying to do so will leave you fraught and exhausted. Whether it’s discussing chore and childcare responsibilities with your partner or reaching out to friends, family, or paid childcare providers, even a little regular help can go a long way. A few hours of babysitting each week can provide you with much-needed time to recharge. So practice asking for help out loud - confidently and without guilt— in the knowledge that you deserve it.

5) Nourish and Hydrate

The power of being adequately fueled nutritionally cannot be overstated. Similarly, dehydration impacts our bodies and our minds on a profound level. Headaches, nausea, fatigue, poor concentration and moodiness are all symptoms of not drinking enough fluid and I rember them all, well. Something as simple as the right flask of drinking bottle could change all that. Once I bought myself an insulated cup that I could open and close with one hand, my hydration levels improved and so did my mental state.

There’s no denying that convenience foods can be lifesavers at times. Rather than feeling bad about eating them if and when you do, try adding fresh fruit and vegetables to them to give yourself a boost. I would never advocate denying yourself those double chocolate chip cookies with a breastfeeder’s appetite(!), but try adding banana or a dollop of nut butter, too.

6) What About Breastfeeding?

Often if you admit that you are struggling to cope with any aspect of parenting, those around you may be quick to suggest that you stop breastfeeding. If you want to stop nursing your little one, then you should do just that, in the knowledge that doing so is the right choice for your family. If however, you want to keep nursing, take the opportunity to nurse your little one as a chance to relax too.

Nursing lying down - following safe cosleeping advice - may even help you to drift off and nap too thanks to the release of feel-good hormones that comes with each letdown. For me, daytime naps only became a reality once I actively gave myself permission to switch off and truly be present. If you struggle to find stillness even in quiet moments with your babe, try focusing on your breath as you nurse. Soften your jaw, close your eyes and listen for your child's breath.

7) Permission to Wean

The world and their dog are likely to have an opinion on when you should wean you child(ren) from nursing. However, the only way to know if and when you might be ready to do so, is to be in tune with yourself and your wants and needs. Doing this in a world that is full of unsolicited advice can be hard, but it is easier to do if you track your thoughts in a journal.

It need not be a lengthy or time-consuming process, but it must be honest. If you are thinking about weaning your child(ren), spend a week writing a minute journal each day to help you unpick whether or not it is a decision that is right for you. Trust that whatever decision you ultimately make is best for your family. Read about the steps that I took to stop breastfeeding on demand, gently & with love, here.

With love,

Danielle

❤️