Breastfeeding a Newborn When You Also Have a Toddler: Gentle Tips for Juggling Both

Before I dive in, I want to acknowledge something important: I write this as a mother of one. I haven’t breastfed multiple children myself, but I’ve had the deep privilege of supporting thousands of mothers around the world through the challenges of nursing a newborn while parenting an older child—whether that includes tandem feeding, balancing different needs, or simply trying to survive the day. What follows is a collection of wisdom, compassion, and practical tools gathered from years of walking alongside those mothers. I hope something here helps you feel less alone.

Breastfeeding a newborn is a tender, time-consuming act of love—but when you’ve also got a toddler in tow, it can feel like you’re being stretched in every direction at once. The truth is, so many mothers are navigating this delicate dance, and yet we’re often left to figure it out alone, in the middle of the mess.

Whether you’re tandem nursing, managing big feelings from an older sibling, or simply trying to keep everyone fed and relatively clean, this season is a lot—and you’re not failing if it feels hard. You’re just doing something that was never meant to be done solo.

Here are some practical, heart-centered tips that can help ease the load when you’re breastfeeding a newborn and parenting at least one older child.

1. Create a Nursing Toy Box for Your Toddler

When your newborn needs to feed (again!), your toddler’s need for connection often ramps up. Whilst this may feel like an attack on your nervous system, I promise that it is not meant to be so. It's just that we were never, ever meant to mother alone. A special toy box or quiet-time basket that only comes out when you nurse can help. Fill it with open-ended toys, household items (which they inevitably love more than any toy!) picture books, stickers, or small sensory play items. The novelty of this nursing-only stash can help your toddler feel included, while you focus on feeding your baby.

Bonus tip: Let your toddler help you choose some of the items—giving them ownership can make it even more engaging.

1. Get Comfy with Nursing in a Carrier

Feeding on the go becomes essential when you have more than one child. Learning to nurse in a carrier gives you freedom—your newborn stays close and content while one hand can be (mostly) free for your toddler.

For safety and support, I highly recommend following @coorieinwithlove for brilliant babywearing tips and nursing-in-a-carrier demonstrations. Like anything new, it takes practice—but once you get the hang of it, it can be game-changing.

1. Nourish Yourself, Too

Let’s be honest: three balanced, nourishing meals a day is ambitious even with one child—let alone two or more. That’s why taking prenatal or breastfeeding-specific supplements can be a powerful act of self-care. You matter too. Your body is still healing, whilst giving, and sustaining life. Support it with what you can—whether that’s a multivitamin, an iron boost, or a protein shake on days when you just can’t get to breakfast.

For more on this, check out my blog post: How to Eat Well While Breastfeeding.

1. Find Another Mama and Meet in the Mess

If you know another mother with children around the same age—get together. Regularly. In messy houses. With unfinished cups of tea and someone always needing a wipe.

I know that I've said it before, but we weren’t meant to mother in isolation. We evolved in tribes, in community and in support of one another. Our children benefit from seeing us connected. And we benefit from the reminder that we’re not alone in the chaos.

If you don’t have someone like this yet, try attending a breastfeeding circle, local playgroup, or even reaching out online (subscribe for updates on Held: The Village we Need. You deserve connection - we all do.

1. Paid Support Isn’t a Luxury, It’s Lifesaving

Whether it’s a cleaner, a babysitter, a gym with a crèche, or someone who can fold the laundry—if you have the resources, please give yourself permission to use them. Not out of guilt, but out of love for your whole family.

You can’t pour from an empty cup—and there’s no medal for burnout. You matter, and your wellbeing is foundational.

1. Tag-Team Like a Pro

If you have a partner, family, or trusted support nearby, get specific about your needs and schedule. Even 20 minutes of solo time can reset your nervous system. Whether it’s taking turns with wake-ups, bedtime routines, or tag-teaming the toddler during cluster feeds—communicate clearly and regularly. Even if you only have a village of one or two, give yourself permission to lean on them.

1. Tandem Nursing Is Beautiful… and Intense

If you’re tandem nursing—breastfeeding both your toddler and your newborn—you are a powerhouse of love. It can feel like a full-time job, and it can also bring deep emotional connection between siblings.

But it’s okay if you have mixed feelings. Boundaries are allowed. Prioritising the newborn’s feeds and gently redirecting the toddler sometimes doesn’t make you a bad mum—it makes you a human one.

For more support on this, read: Tandem Breastfeeding: What to Expect and How to Cope.

1. Try Minute-Journalling—Even If It’s Just a Voice Note

You’re holding so much right now. Creating even the smallest space to process your feelings can make a world of difference. Whether it’s one sentence scribbled in a notebook or a 60-second voice note recorded in the bathroom, find somewhere you can be brutally honest about the realities and challenges of this season.

You don’t have to share it with anyone. But naming the hard parts, the fears, the wins, and the quiet joy—this is how we stay connected to ourselves in the blur.

You Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

This season is full. It’s loud, tender, and often completely overwhelming. But it’s also sacred. Every cuddle, every latch, every chaotic moment is a thread in the story of your family.

You’re doing an incredible job—even if it doesn’t always feel that way. If today you kept everyone fed and loved, even through tears and tantrums, you did more than enough.

And if you’re craving community, I’d love to invite you to join Held.

Held: Because Mothers Need Holding, Too

Held is a gentle, nourishing community for mothers navigating life after birth. Through in-person gatherings, online support circles, and retreats with built-in childcare, Held offers the village you deserve.

We’re here to help you feel connected, grounded, and supported—especially if you’re raising small children while feeling like you’re running on empty.

Subscribe here to receive updates on upcoming events, circles, and offerings. Where you don't have to do it all, alone.

With love,

Danielle

❤️