In today’s fast-paced society, it’s all too common for mothers to feel overwhelmed by the relentless demands of parenting. Adding breastfeeding into the mix can make it seem nearly impossible to ever feel truly rested and relaxed. I learned this the hard way when my “all-or-nothing” work ethic caught up with me—I collapsed from exhaustion during a simple grocery trip. I needed help, and if you're reading this - perhaps you do too?
Recognizing the Signs of Burnout
If you notice any of these signs in yourself, it might be time to reassess how you’re being cared for/how you are caring for yourself:
• Chronic exhaustion or feeling “touched out”
• Irritability or snapping at others
• Moments of intense frustration or helplessness
• Feelings of resentment toward your partner
• Negative thoughts around nursing
• A sudden decrease in milk supply
• A slower or absent let-down reflex
These symptoms can be huge red flags that your body and mind aren’t receiving the downtime needed to maintain your energy and care for others. We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” but acknowledging that filling your cup can feel practically impossible amidst societal pressures is crucial. If you’re struggling to prioritize your needs as a breastfeeding mother, let’s explore some strategies that might help, without necessarily stopping nursing.
1. Me-Time Every Day
Even if a spa day or an hour at the gym isn’t feasible right now, carving out 20–30 minutes daily just for you can make a world of difference. Whether you find this time in the early morning, during your little one’s nap, or at night after they’re asleep, prioritize moments that remind you that you’re more than a mom. This isn’t to diminish the role of motherhood but to remind you that you still exist, too.
2. Make It Count
I know that the moment my son falls asleep at night, I’m likely to fall into a vortex of doom scrolling unless I consciously choose otherwise. While the dopamine hit from watching 15-second reels feels good at the time, my downtime is so precious as a mama that I owe it to myself to make it count. My favorite realistic restorative practice? Falling asleep to a 15 to 20 minute meditation.
Audiobooks, listening to music, dance, yoga, and a relaxing bedtime routine are other simple but powerfully effective ways to help you feel human again.
3. What About Housework?
It’s all well and good to recommend using any spare time relaxing, but when will the housework get done? First, accept that keeping your home tidy all the time is nearly impossible with young children. Instead, focus on keeping it clean enough in a way that works for your family. If you have a partner or you live with other family members, divide the housework as fairly as you possibly can whisky allowing each adult time and space to be a human being.
Perhaps you’ll have a permanent pile of laundry that never gets folded, but maybe that suits you just fine as long as you have (some) clean dishes.
My top tip for washing dishes with a toddler is to set up a mini washing station for my son on the kitchen floor. It doesn't always work, but on the occasions that it does, all it takes is a piece of Tupperware and a new sponge, and he can ‘wash’ alongside me.
4. Ask for Help
When was the last time you asked for help? I struggle with this to this day. Nonetheless, we were never meant to mother alone, and trying to do so will leave you fraught and exhausted. Whether it’s discussing chore and childcare responsibilities with your partner or reaching out to friends, family, or paid childcare providers, even a little regular help can go a long way.
A few hours of babysitting each week can provide you with much-needed time to recharge. So practise asking for help out loud—confidently and without guilt—in the knowledge that you deserve it.
5. Nourish and Hydrate
The power of being adequately fueled nutritionally cannot be overstated. Similarly, dehydration impacts our bodies and minds profoundly. Headaches, nausea, fatigue, poor concentration, and moodiness are all symptoms of not drinking enough fluids, and I remember them all well. Something as simple as the right flask or drinking bottle could change all that. Once I bought myself an insulated cup that I could open and close with one hand, my hydration levels improved, and so did my mental state.
Convenience foods can be lifesavers at times. Rather than feeling bad about eating them if and when you do, try adding fresh fruit and vegetables to give yourself a boost. I would never advocate denying yourself those double chocolate chip cookies with a breastfeeder’s appetite(!), but adding a banana or a dollop of nut butter, too might help you feel better.
6. What About Breastfeeding?
Often, if you admit you’re struggling to cope with any aspect of parenting, those around you may be quick to suggest stopping breastfeeding. If you want to stop nursing your little one, then you should do just that, knowing it’s the right choice for your family. If, however, you want to keep nursing, take the opportunity to nurse your little one as a chance to relax too.
If you have older children, plan down-time or screen-time during your baby's nap time so that you don't have to rush around trying to entertain them when you could be still, too.
Nursing lying down—following safe co-sleeping advice—may even help you drift off and nap, thanks to the release of feel-good hormones that comes with each letdown. For me, daytime naps only became a reality once I actively gave myself permission to switch off and truly be present. If you struggle to find stillness even in quiet moments with your nursling, try focusing on your breath as you nurse. Soften your jaw, close your eyes, and listen for your child’s breath.
7. Permission to Wean
The world and their dog are likely to have an opinion on when you should wean your child(ren) from nursing. However, the only way to know if and when you might be ready to do so is to be in tune with yourself and your wants and needs. Doing this in a world that is full of unsolicited advice can be hard, but it is easier to do if you track your thoughts in a journal.
It need not be a lengthy or time-consuming process, but it must be honest. If you are thinking about weaning your child(ren), spend a week writing a minute journal each day to help you unpick whether or not it is a decision that is right for you. Trust that whatever decision you ultimately make is best for your family. Read about the steps that I took to stop breastfeeding on demand, gently & with love, here.
Motherhood is relentless, beautiful, exhausting, and deeply transformative. It stretches us to the very edge of ourselves, then asks us to keep going. But you are not meant to carry it all alone.
So if you are feeling drained, if exhaustion has settled into your bones, if the weight of responsibility feels heavier than your love for it all, know this: you deserve rest, too. You deserve care, softness, and moments of stillness that remind you that you exist beyond what you give to others.
You are not failing when you ask for help. You are not weak for needing space. You are not less of a mother for taking time to refill what has been emptied. The world will keep spinning, the laundry will still be there, and your child will still need you tomorrow. But you? You deserve to meet yourself with the same gentleness you give to them.
So tonight, or tomorrow, or whenever you can - take a breath. Put a hand on your heart. Let yourself rest, even if just for a moment.
You are doing enough. You are enough.
With love,
Danielle
❤️
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